Sincere Listening in communication.

In fact, a society is composed of individuals or in other words, a society does not exist without individuals. The intimate relationship implies that there are hardly any people who exist outside the society in which they have to communicate with others, unless they wanted to sever all ties with human world.

Communication holds a significant position in human\r\nactivities. Nevertheless, in the communicating process, there is a common trend\r\nthat everyone is always looking for suitable objects.  

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Somebody may say, "Although we do not make friends or\r\ntalk with  those, we still have friends and live well". For this\r\nreason,  they differentiate between “these” who are considered their\r\nbest friends and  â€œthose” who are supposed to be bad guys that they need\r\nnot get acquainted with.    

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 Others may set some of their own good and bad\r\nstandards about people, arguing that an unqualified person or a person who has\r\nnegative qualities is not their friend. He may sell them  down the\r\nriver one day or they may be overshadowed by his/her good points or his/her\r\nqualities are not good enough for them to get acquainted with.

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Hence, it will be difficult for those who want to be in\r\nharmony with others when discussing one-way communication. It  involves\r\nat least two sides; otherwise, it is not called communication.

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Usually, making as many friends as possible, except for the\r\ntype of bad friends who are willing to sell them down the river or hurt each\r\nother. However, for those who do not want to be your friends  and\r\njust arouse  hostility no matter how friendliness you show towards\r\nthem, the best way is that you temporarily need not try to converse with them,\r\nwhich is unnecessary.  

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Affections should come from both sides. It is not a good\r\nidea if the partner does not agree while you still try to impose it on him/her.\r\nIn this case, we ought not to see him/her as an enemy but keep our kind heart\r\ntowards him. (Silence is the best way to keep a distance and wait for an\r\nopportunity in order to continue learning to know each other). This is\r\ncalled â€œdisregard” in the Buddhism; he/she does not  interfere\r\nwith our life and vice versa; both sides do not disturb each other.

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If we know that it  is impossible, we  may\r\nnot try to attain it by your own effort. In the case that  we have to\r\nface those who always seek  aggression, we should  stay\r\naway from them in quietness. Moreover, try to keep their images out of our mind\r\nso  that we will not be bothered with them and still keep a nice\r\nrelationship. When they change their minds some day, we should  resume\r\nthe ties rather than regard them as enemies.

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Besides, we ourselves\r\ncould find out the reasons why they do not want to become our friends. Is it\r\ndue to our speech or attitude that causes them to misunderstand us? Then adjust\r\nourselves gradually until  they accept. However, noticeably, we\r\nshould not “ cut the heels to fit the shoes”, or we make ourselves completely\r\nchange to suit others. We might try step by step in order to learn his remarks\r\nabout us and then adjust ourselves accordingly. One day, he/she will actively\r\ntalk with you.       

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Whatever communicative methods we seek, we ought to know\r\nthis: If we want to communicate or understand each other, efforts from both\r\nwill be essential. Opening heart and being full of compassion to convert\r\nsomeone’s hostility is the most effective and practical way of\r\ncommunication.      

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 Venerable Master.Thich Thanh Nghiem.

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  Translated into English by On Thi Ngoc Thao.