Releasing Animosity, Avoid Storing it.

The phrase “complaining angrily” exists in every aspect of social life, from families to social relationship.

 It is said to be a popular phenomenon. Although being closed as parents and children; or husbands and wives, there would always be complains. For example, with a disobedient child, a mother can say to her husband: “Our child is disobedient; no matter what I taught he won’t change a bit. You should take good care of him from now on.” That is such a sentence which makes listeners uncomfortable.

 People usually complain each other while they are angry, the sayings of which are bothersome, not only to the ones who listen but also to those who say it out. When you are discontent with someone or something, you would feel angry, upset and you would complain. However, you need to understand that, people who live their lives, if they experience ten things, almost they are disappointed with nine of those. If you only complain, you would make problems more complex, which would be harder to solve.

 The first thing come to people’s mind after they heard a complaint was “I treated him well; I don’t know why he always disagrees with me. I did that for good, but I wasn’t thanked for that, just complaints. It’s not good.” That way of thinking only upsets you. If you think about complaining as normal things, people who get complained wouldn’t feel a thing. But in vice versa, after being complained, they would be hurt, and problems would get bigger like a rolling snowball.”

 If you think about problems in another way, as “No one is perfect. No one can stay away from mistakes.” You would realize that the complaint was reasonable, and then you should learn from experience and thank them for giving you a chance looking back at yourself.

 Everyone should once be upset, and then people would have complaint. Sometimes you are not the cause but you still get the complaint. You should think as helping them to get out of anger and stress. When you feel upset, no matter why, you shouldn’t think as it is someone’s fault. If you are in this situation, think as you are someone else: do not complain; accept the complaints from others; listen to others.”

 Confucius said that “The sage is happily listening to his mistakes.” Accepting things instead of being upset, because when someone still complains on you, it means that you still have value him.

 There is a situation when someone heard the complaints; he thought “People disgrace themselves.” Therefore he closed the doors, he is disconnected to everyone. What he did just upset the others, they would think that he really wanted to stay away from them. If things happen that way, it would be hard to solve. You should find ways to resolves problems, do not make things more complex. If the complaints are not too serious, you should only nod as letting people know that you understand.

 If the complaints are rude, you should react. If they misunderstood, you must find a way to let them know. If they are disappointed because of what you did is not what they expected, tell them you would fix it next time. If they are still disappointed, just tell them that you have tried your best, you might have their sympathy.

People would become more mature after complaints if they always accept it with ease, and then find a good way to solve the problems.

 Translated into English by Nguyen Thi Mai Thao.