Know Your Enemy – Ending Part

And then note how stressed your enemy feels on seeing or thinking of you.

It is the same stress that you feel when you see or\r\nthink of your enemy. As you look at yourself through this other person’s eyes,\r\nnote the tone of voice you are using in your mind. Be aware of how your\r\ncondescension, competitiveness, contempt, or jealousy is conveyed in the little\r\nthings you do and say. Your emotions emerge in your voice and speech and\r\ngestures and body language, just as your enemy’s emotions are written all over\r\ntheir face and behavior. Now try to see something beautiful in your enemy.\r\nImagine that person being really happy at having fallen in love or won an\r\nelection or won the lottery. (If you’re really daring, imagine your enemy\r\nwinning the battle with you. That should make your enemy feel good!) Imagine\r\nyour enemy being happy to see you, or if you can’t quite summon up that vision,\r\nimagine them at least as not being angry with you. Imagine your enemy being\r\nhappy enough with their own life to have neither the time nor the inclination\r\nto bother you. Think of what would make your enemy truly satisfied, truly\r\npleased. It may not be what you assume your enemy wants — that is, domination\r\nover you. When you are no longer bothering your enemy, no longer standing in\r\nthe way of what that person wants, then your enemy will no longer be interested\r\nin bothering you. In visualizing yourself from the enemy’s perspective, you\r\nstart to see that what makes you vulnerable to your enemies is your sense of\r\nbeing fundamentally different from them. But when you realize that in very\r\nbasic ways you are the same — at a minimum, you share a desire to be happy and\r\nnot to be in pain — then you don’t want to spoil the happiness of your enemies\r\nany more than you want them to spoil yours. When you truly grasp that it is the\r\nprojection of your own hurt and anger and fear that turns someone into your\r\nenemy, and you are able to recognize your kinship as fellow human beings, it\r\nreleases the energy you previously invested in defending yourself and your ego.\r\nNow you can use this precious energy to work on rooting out the inner enemies,\r\nsuch as anger, fear, and jealousy. In this way, the enemy you so disliked\r\nbecomes your ally: your teacher, your helper, even — dare I say it — your\r\nfriend. Eventually you will even be able to see the beauty in your enemy, and\r\nyou will feel free of inner anxiety about them. Then, whenever you happen to\r\nmeet that person, you will notice that they seem less troublesome to you. And\r\nyour new attitude toward your former enemy will affect them, too, and they will\r\nbe less antagonistic toward you, though they may not consciously know why. Now\r\nyou can meditate on seeing your life as one of being among friends.

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From “Love Your\r\nEnemies: How to Break the Anger Habit and Be a Whole Lot Happier,” by Sharon\r\nSalzberg and Robert Thurman. © 2013 by Sharon Salzberg and Robert Thurman.\r\nPublished with permission of Hay