How to Win Friends and Influence People

For many years, I have asked myself the question “how to win friends and influence people or winning people’s hearts?" and I have tried to find the answer. I don't know exactly how to define “Winning people’s hearts” (Dac Nhan Tam), but through the stumbling blocks in life, I partly understand the meaning of these three words.

“Winning people's hearts" roughly means “being accepted by people". The way we live our lives so that others can open their hearts to welcome, accept, let us be a part of their lives, that is winning people's hearts.

The core that Buddhist practitioners try to learn is to correct the three karmas - action, word and thought. It means thinking good thoughts, saying nice words, and doing good actions. There is no need to be insincere to please anyone, and the primary focus should be turning towards the good, towards the upright. We will automatically win people's hearts. 

While it is easy to say or do things that upset people, it is difficult to make people happy. People have different temperaments and backgrounds. Sometimes, we hurt them by unintentionally referring to their hidden past, and if they do not say it out, we will not know. This situation keeps perpetuating and we could hurt them even more. Thus, they will keep us out of their lives! 

So, winning people's hearts is a lifelong job. Yet, don’t be discouraged by it and think it is impossible to achieve. To have compassion for others, we should live a life with an open heart. It’s not for the benefit of ourselves, but knowing that both people and I are still in incarnation. We are miserable, and we all are very worthy of sympathy, love and support for each other to walk into the sunset together.

"Be always gentle, every heart hides wounds that never bleed." - Alexandra Vasiliu.

Tâm Cung

Translated into English by Thai Nhuoc Don