Help me Cure the Insecurities in my Heart

With the thought that we are the elder and the senior, we often like to use our authority to intimidate our children. We explain what is right, wrong, fair, unfair and force children to accept what we - as parents - say is reasonable and rational. But… children are insecure each time they face their parents. For that reason, the parents couldn't seem to have any chance to help them understand the problem!

Each of us has weaknesses that have not yet matured. Whether we have lived 30 or 40 years in life, the wounds and pain from the past in us have not been healed, it is still lurking somewhere. Our children inherit these traits and when they do something wrong, we want to correct them, reasoning that we want them to be better. In fact, parents are fighting against the evil that is still hidden deep in their hearts!

Parents are not psychologists at all, so sometimes, parents have to be more skillful in interacting with their children. There's no way two generations with dozens of years apart from each other can communicate like two friends. Sounds very difficult right? Parents who nurture their children with the four materials "kindness - compassion - joy - relinquishment" diligently, will become more approachable to their children and give them peace.

Everyone has their own insecurity. It is important for a doctor to treat that insecurity instead of judging it. Parents do well at sharing that burden with their children (kindness), yet, it is difficult to give unconditional love (compassion). Because they are stuck with the same emotions as their children. Therefore, parents should seek joy purely from the present of their children regardless of who they become (Joy). As a result, parents are able to let go of your overshadow ego (relinquishment) to be more accessible to their children...

Children’s insecurity could come from parental causes. If that’s the case, parents must apologise to their children! Parents will lose their children at any time without realising it! 

Because children love their parents, they will leave without notice for school or for a career as excuses… but in fact the real reason for their leaving is to avoid their parents. Children are everything to their parents, yet, parents can not bear pain and insecurities for their children. However, parents could partly help, support and heal their children to restore themselves. 

Being the elder and the senior is of course extremely arduous and tiring. When losing the momentum, parents should practice to step back, keep themselves at peace first, and then approach their children. Parents should be a safe haven for their children to feel safe when approaching. Let’s watch over the children from afar, supervise them and send them unconditional love.  Don’t make them live our lives and restrain their energy. Children will thank their parents for being their fulcrum when parents are a strong support and calm. 

Wishing all the parents strength to overcome adversity in life and always have peace!

Tâm Cung

Translated into English by Thai Nhuoc Don